Falling Behind

What is normal?  People change over time, as do their interests, friends, hobbies, best qualities and likes and dislikes.  So, what is normal?  The old normal?  The new normal?  How can we compare ourselves to ourselves? 

After living with fibromyalgia for so long, I started to forget what life used to be like before this new chapter opened in my life.  The very personality traits that made me who I was were being threatened on a daily basis.  I used to be so happy, helpful, independent, self-starting, outgoing, detail oriented and most of all capable.  I used to enjoy the outdoors, throwing a football, gardening, raking leaves, cleaning up the yard.  Spring clean-up came and went without a hitch and without a hand from me, I might add.  And fall clean-up…Yup, You guessed it.  I used to love raking leaves and found it a great upper body work out.  And I got such a sense of accomplishment from completing what I’d started.  When did I stop being me and become this person with fibromyalgia.  How did this happen? 

Sometimes we are faced with challenges in life that are so grand, they force us to re-think the way we think.  Are you going out of your mind?  No!  Didn’t anyone tell you?  This is all just a part of the “new normal”. 

What I am learning……I have to choose to deal with these experiences and learn to make them my own and really learn appreciate whatever life throws my way and make the best of it all...the good, the bad and the ugly.  I need to learn to cherish the good, learn from the bad and minimize the ugly.  More often than not, a bad day turns ugly, simply due to our own bad attitude.  It is hard to stay positive and at times it seems that the very hope of anything good will never return, but with an attitude like that, the situation will likely get worse before it gets better. 

It is important to know what your feeling, but it is even more important to know why you’re feeling that way.  Recently, my husband got a cold.  He was run down, achy and had a bad sinus infection.  He felt horrible and made it known through complaints how badly he felt and rather than helping me around the house, he rested.  I should have been more understanding of him having a cold and not feeling well, but I completely let him have it and attacked him verbally for his laziness instead.  Be in right or be it wrong.  

I fully understood his position; however, I was really pissed.  My body aches every single day and still I press on.  I accomplish as much as I possibly can and I do not allow myself to relax until what I set out to do is done.  I get run down, but I make an honest effort to maintain as “normal” a household as I possibly can.  My husband works very hard for our family and I too, try to work just as hard. 

For me, it’s not about competing with my husband.  It’s about competing with the woman I used to be.  It is hard to admit failure to ourselves.  Sometimes, it’s easier to attack those close to us, rather than to admit defeat to ourselves.  I can not expect my husband to understand where I was coming from, but I tried.  I apologized.  I couldn’t do it all and without him helping around the house, I was falling behind.   

Staying in touch with our selves and our feelings is so important to both our own wellbeing and to the wellbeing of our relationships.